I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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