For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
