i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your penis caused this!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
