Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
