Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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