New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
