The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
