and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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