Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my poor anus
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
