That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
