So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize