What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
