I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
