"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
