Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
