I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
