Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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