when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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