He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
