He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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