It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
