There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
