im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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