It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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