i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
