can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
