her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
