I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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