maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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