my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
