ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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