If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
