I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
