Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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