is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
