There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
