Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
