he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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