Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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