I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize