Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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