Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ketchup is God's man juice
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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