yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
