He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
