i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
