Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
