shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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