My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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