Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
