that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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