Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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