stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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