just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
