I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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