But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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