i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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