She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
