Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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