Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
