its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
