Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
