my soul wont recognize me after tonight
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
