I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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