I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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