Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize