i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
