There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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