I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
