I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
