wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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