fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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