so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
